I'm Not Okay
I'm not okay. I haven't been in a long time. You probably wouldn't know it by looking at me. Every morning I get up, pull my big-girl panties up, and put on a brave face before stepping through my bedroom door. I leave it on until the house is empty. I am fortunate in that I work from home, so I can remove that mask and drop the false face. I don't have to waste the energy keeping it up. For that I am grateful. Because it's so very hard sometimes- to continuously put on that smile and act like everything is fine; to keep my own feelings hidden away so that I am not being a burden or irritation on others. But I'm hurting. Sometimes the ache is so deep and so strong that I cannot breathe. I start to hyperventilate. It feels like I am being torn apart, slowly ripping open and spilling my insides out. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I don't know how to silence my thoughts, or how to stop the constant reel of awful scenarios my sadistic min...